"I don't want to be your friend!"

Kara came home from school yesterday very upset. During that day, one of her friends had angrily turned on her and said, "I don't want to be your friend!" The comment, though probably made without any real understanding, went deep.

A few months ago, again at school, a little boy who had been one of Kara's closest friends did the same thing. His parents were moving, and on the last day, he says to her, "I don't want to be your friend anymore." No doubt, he was just going through some kind of kid-grief about the move. Maybe by saying that he was actually saying how much he would miss her. Nevertheless, that isn't what he said; and what he said hurt.

Lynn-nore, Joanna and I have been trying to help Kara understand these things against a larger perspective. There is the "they didn't mean it" approach. There is the direct "tell them that hurt your feeling approach." Let's face it - this doesn't get any easier. The Scripture is full of advice about this very problem: Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing (1 Pet. 3:9). When we are cursed, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure it (1 Cor. 4:12). Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you (Luke 6:27-28).

I am also reminded of the little way of St. Thérèse of Lisieux: "I didn't confine myself to saying a lot of prayers for her, this sister who made life such a tug-of-war for me; I tried to do her every good turn I possibly could." (Yes, her habit comes in a habit, but what of it? "Was it from you that God's Message first went forth, or is it to you only that it has come?" (1 Cor. 14.36))