Friday, July 31, 2015

Camping, Fall 2014

Caleb and I enjoyed a solid weekend of camping. We left a bit late--packing took longer than even I'd expected. We arrived just as it was getting dark, and put up the tent by flashlight. Caleb's Den Master, D, had asked that I make sure Caleb help with pitching the tent, and so I had him involved as much as possible. He picked the location. He helped me lay out the mat and open the tent and thread the poles and do the whole thing. We took an air mattress with us, and using a pump that plugged into the car's cigarette lighter, had an air mattress, sleeping bags, and everything all set up within an hour. By the time we finished, the guys in the mess tent had finished cooking burgers, and everyone hung around and got to know each other.

The ground we pitched on was sloped a bit. I put Caleb up near the top, figuring he is lighter. He still managed to creep down and give me about 6" of sleeping room.

That first night was one of my best memories from the weekend. Everyone went to bed about ten o'clock. Caleb and I put our pajamas on and slipped into our sleeping bags. I was tired, but he felt like reading a bit--he's working on the third Harry Potter book. So I let him read by flashlight next to me. So I'm laying there in my sleeping bag. Caleb is reading next to me by flashlight. And the sounds of the forest--we were far back into the woods--were everywhere. I thought, "This is why we came. This is why we do this."

Sometime about 2 a.m. the rain started. At first, I thought it was just the wind through the trees, but then you could hear it falling on the tent. The temperature dropped a bit; I zipped up my bag. When you go camping, you expect to be miserable. That's one thing I'm learning. You have to throw away your baseline expectation of comfort and decide to take things as they come. If you're wet or you smell, that's okay. If you have to shoo daddy long legs away from the door of your tent so you can go in or out--that's okay. Peeing in the dark into tall grass with no idea what may be creeping around you, that's okay. If you can keep dry, warm, and keep your clothes moderately clean, then all is good.

The rain quit about 7 a.m. the next morning. It was a cold, in the low 60s. I'd packed for cold evenings, so Caleb had one pair of jeans. He wore them. I didn't want to wear jeans, so I wore shorts and a T-shirt all day. I was a little chilly, but everyone was so active that it didn't matter. The bathroom was a spider-infested dungeon of a building. The shower was worse. No one showered. We had to kill a monstrous spider to make the toilet safe for use. Caleb, of course, has to poo in the morning. I worried all night about what to do when he needed to take his morning constitution. Perhaps, I thought, I could take him to the visitor's center first thing. Maybe he could poop in the woods or something. Didn't matter. He'd eaten too many peanuts the night before and woke up with problems. We rushed into the dungeon. There was no choice, no visitor's center. Thank God I'd packed more underwear for him than he needed.

The big event for the day was a two-mile hike. The leaders had neglected to buy a trail map. They used their iPhones and tried to make a go of it. We spent some time sorting out which way to go. The kids didn't care. They made walking sticks, stood too close to creek banks, threw rocks at trees, convinced themselves that every weed was poison ivy, and kicked a lot of mushrooms.

One of the older boys was particularly brash. He was the first to pretend his stick was a weapon. It was a spear. It was a bow-and-arrow. He "shot" one of the weirder kids with make-believe arrows. He told the loudest fart jokes. (There are a lot of fart jokes in gangs of elementary school boys.) He kicked beautifully large mushrooms without need, not even considering the beauty of the thing now spread over the ground or how long it had taken to grow. Other boys clustered around this young Achilles, including, to a certain degree, Caleb. This is the great balancing act of manhood played out in miniature: how to negotiate with alpha males. You can ignore them and pay a social cost; you are the one getting shot with make-believe arrows. You are "dead," but you keep your pride (though alone). You an follow them and lose your freedom of choice, finding belonging and freedom for harassment in obsequience to tyranny. Or you can negotiate a truce with them, taking on some of their ways or even playing around with them and joining some of their games without giving in to the whole. Violence and machismo is an ingredient of masculinity, and these sort can teach you that. They make you grow, but you retain an inner allegiance to yourself and to hopefully better and higher goals. This is learning to control Dionysus, to bring control to bear against unrestrained anarchy and the doctrine of might makes right. It is a step toward the necessity of political and ethical maturity.

Later that day, D had the boys work on trying to light kindling with flint and steel. This was a very difficult task! The boys struggled to push hard enough on the steel to produce a spark--and it was hard to do. As they worked on it, D talked about the importance of fire for survival, about how to feed a fire once the kindling caught, about the importance of packing a good camp knife, and about safety. I like D. He is an involved dad, and he isn't laissez faire about the rules of scouting (i.e. he quizzes the boys about the scout motto and the scout rule and such). Also, he prepares for sessions. Already he's better than 90% of the leaders I've ever met.

The boys in general also had a lot of time to play. D told me there would be down time, so I brought Caleb's football and a Frisbee. Caleb played a lot of football, especially. They also had these PVC pipe blowguns that they used to shoot the little marshmallows at each other. Caleb and I are going to make one of these for future camp outs. D also wants Caleb to achieve the scout qualifications to carry a pocketknife. Somewhere in there, the boys played tug-of-war and Caleb lost his hat. (I was chatting with a few of the adult leaders at the time or I'd have taken pictures and made sure he didn't lose his hat. I looked everywhere for that hat.)

That night was the big campfire. Each den performed tiny skits, and a den master led everyone in several cheers. There was a campy song or two. One of the leaders ended the night by taking up a Ziploc bag of ash. She explained that the founder of scouting began a practice of taking some ash from a camp's fire and mixing it in the fire of the following camp. (An idea that I'm sure he got from the Christian doctrine of apostolic succession.) "Mixed in these ashes," she continued, "are ashes from the worldwide jamboree of 1933, other national jamborees, and regional jamborees of the past. As I put them into the fire, think of those first scouts, just like you, in 1933. Think of scouts all over the world who also have ashes from those fires that were taken back by their leaders." She had mixed a little bit of a chemical into the ashes, and when she put them in, the fire glowed hot and dramatic with a fierce green tint. The evening ended with an emotional, formal retirement ceremony for three U.S. flags. Everyone, standing, said the pledge of allegiance. Then another leader read a poem called "Old Glory" as each flag was gently placed in the center of the flames. I wondered what the boys thought. The adults thought about the same things: 9/11. Fifteen years of active combat and thousands of wounded and war dead. Our friends, brothers, and fathers, and grandfathers who served. I'm always very sensitive about public religion. Christians were killed for not participating in the imperial cult, after all, not saying "the pledge of allegiance" in their day. They were deemed enemies of the state and atheists. Therefore, Christians play a wary game with patriotism. Nevertheless, love of country can be a penultimate to the ultimate of the Kingdom of God. We can honor veterans and respect our military and pray fervently for the day when swords shall be beaten into plowshares and soldiers are no longer necessary. Here we are again: negotiating with Dionysus and struggling with the push-and-pull of politics, community, and ethics.

Exhausted, Caleb and I went to our tent and fell asleep with little difficulty.

I woke up with the woodpeckers. Three of them. Better yet, the sun was shining at the door of our tent; we'd faced the tent east on purpose for some woodcraft reason that bubbled up from my subconscious. Eggs and bacon and sausage and cereal. I wondered silently whether a camping version of a french press couldn't be used to make decent coffee. The night had been cold, but Caleb and I stayed warm. He didn't want to get up--he was sleeping well on nearly the entire mattress. There is a cozy quality to tent camping when everything isn't wet. The boys started waking up. Caleb got up and a someone started throwing a football. I broke the tent. More daddy long legs irritably vacating our rain fly. Once everything had been packed up and all trash picked up, the pack sang a few songs around the fire pit. Scouting has its roots in the same quasi-Christian-religiousness that the YMCA was born in. That part messes with me a little. It is very respectful, and faith is treated respectfully, but that mix is a thing of the cultural past. I don't like it, and don't want to get rid of it at the same time. Not having an answer, and there being no harm in it, I go along. There is even a religion badge that scouts can earn. The curricula for the badge is legion--there being different curricula developed by different faith groups. There is a Lutheran one, and a Roman Catholic one, a Hindu one and a Judaism one, a Ba'hai one and a Baptist one, and there's an Episcopal one. Each tradition developed the curricula, and scouting asks that the scout do the curricula developed for their faith, with the support of their parents and religious leader or pastor. This is what I mean by respect. Scouting didn't try and do something like this on its own. It leaves the religious element in its overall program, but the content of that element it turns over to people who are in that sphere. It is a compromise that this time in history would not even make an effort to try. We are a people these days who do not compromise or listen well. We are much closer to Dionysus than we'd care to admit, and so have become more childish about our politics and or ethics.

Then we drove home.

So that was the weekend.

In typical adult style, I got home and mowed the front and back yards. I was so tired last night--though couldn't figure out why. We'd slept more hours per night during our camping trip than I do at home. In camp we went to bed at 10 p.m. and woke at 7 a.m.

Caleb and I are planning on going camping again in a few weeks. The state Jamboree is being held in Nashville this year. They'll be Boy and Cub Scouts from all over the state.

It is odd to be involved in scouts. I wasn't much for it when I was a kid; my scout leaders were rough hillbillies who saw it as an excuse to fish, and I didn't have the maturity to negotiate with the alphas. I got shot with a lot of make believe arrows (and some of them not so make believe.) I see scouting as doing two things that are vital today.

One, they get Caleb away from technology. This is another god to negotiate with, right? Prometheus, who steals fire (technology and mastery over the elements) from the gods and gives it to humanity. The worship of Prometheus is alive and well in our day. Social, behavioral, economic, environmental ills--sicknesses of the body and of the mind--everything will be taken care of by our technologies. They will bring in the promised land and then keep updating it so it gets better and better and better. Once again, we have to negotiate with this god. I'm typing this on a computer in a cubicle in the middle of dozens of other cubicles. This is the working future that we're educating our children to join and to master a living from. So I think technology is very important--but so is peeing in the woods. As the incarnation reminds us, we are images of the transcendent God, but we are also mammals. Scouting is an organized way of kicking (mostly me) in the pants and getting more mammal into his (and my) daily life.

The second thing that scouting provides is a liturgy of togetherness. Here is a way to keep Caleb and I in each other's lives. Without it, trying to see each other is very hard. Adulthood is so busy, so time consuming, so tyrannical that it devours time to just be with him. It judges that time as silly and useless because it is not productive. Another hour of Minecraft, building little towers and canals! How wasteful! (Note Capitalism as not only an economic system but an ethic or anthropology that seeps into every human relationship and asks of it, "What are you producing by this?" In its hand is the sacrificial knife called Opportunity Cost.) Further, kid logic is impenetrable and its world of teacher and peers and school and imagination is a deep and silent fortress of secrets. Without some liturgy that makes summits between childhood and adulthood so that the gates open and our ambassadors can meet together, then I'm left to the this-and-that of spycraft.

The older I get, the more I've come to believe how much we need catechism and liturgy in our lives. I knew this in my bones when I was a kid, and I knew that scouting was such a catechism, but my pack was run by children. Only adults know how to catechize. Liturgy is not a child's game, though it is for children. Our time has forgotten adulthood. I think they remembered what it was back in 1933. Adulthood does not shirk from the politics and ethics necessary for healthy communities. Adulthood keeps its allegiances clear in the midst of many competing gods. And adulthood remembers its mortality, that it is mammal and mortal, and so catechizes the young and creates liturgies within which catechism can happen. When adulthood has gone missing, we lose ourselves to competing gods, become subject to tyrants in and outside of ourselves, and forget our liturgies so that generations become strangers to each other. Freedom is the exact opposite of this. Not unbounded freedom, but a liturgical one, a political one (where politics is what it means to work and live alongside others).

What do you do when you've forgotten adulthood? You look with others for freedom among the liturgies.

Monday, March 19, 2012

You were in flight with my heart

You’ve been struggling. I know you have. Distracted. Busy. Full of energetic inquizity. When you sing, you sing. When you run, you run. You jump and hop and want desperately to seize upon the rudest word possible and set it off like firecrackers in the quietest of rooms. And oh my, you are so six. And oh my, the adults around you can barely keep themselves sane, and you know it. You giggle and do that in-your-face roar like you do, and poke the kid next to you, and I know that you know deep down that not everyone is happy with that, and you don’t know why. And so we come to yesterday. A hot afternoon. You were still in soccer cleats and pads. But you suited up to ride your bike and you did. Badly. Not your fault. Those training wheels, once friends, were foes, and I wondered if you were ready. But everything about you is ready. You are so ready. You are like water spilling over the edge of Niagara. You are like a rocket raging furiously against the earth shuddering before it rises. So I took off those wheels and we walked back into the road. You did not hesitate. Then you are in your seat, and we are running together, and then you take over under my hands and I stop running and let go. And you did not stop or look back. You were in flight with my heart. Wow! Wow! Look at you. Fireworks! And when you came back, we high-fived, we were two boys who just made fire, we waved our arms, we were kings in the street. Wow! I hope you remember this tonight when you’re doing those sums of all things alone in your bed, when you’re counting all the words and images and thoughts and things, and planning your escapes and adventures. I hope you store this golden shiny thing in your heart and take it out just to look at it in the hallway light. I hope I find it curled in your sleeping fist when I check on you, so I can set it on your bookshelf and admire it too.

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Design on a Dime

I love redecorating, and sick as it sounds, I love the challenge of doing it on a very tight budget!

Over the weekend Caleb complained that his room wasn't what he liked. And, he was right, it was decorated according to the sports border that was up when we moved in. He asked for race cars-- specifically anything Disney/Pixar Cars 2. Ok-- Mommy can work with that! And -- I'm leaving the really nice sports border up while doing it!

#1. Colors! Luckily the colorscheme in the room could stay the same and shift to a cars theme - no new paint job required!

#2. A new bedspread goes a long way toward changing the room. I popped online to check my options and then planned to check Goodwill and clearance sections. I got VERY lucky and found an awesome new Cars2 quilted bedspread at Walmart on the clearance rack for $15-- that's half the price of a new one! COST: $15

#3. When Caleb was a baby I decorated his room with children's books. I found a variety of books and -- don't die -- cut off the front covers and framed them in cheap wooden frames that I repainted to match his room. This made shifting to a different theme super easy! I pulled down the frames -- chastised myself for not dusting them more often -- cleaned them up and took out the book covers. I went online and found some awesome Cars 2 photos, asked Caleb which characters he wanted in his room and 30 minutes later he had five brand new, framed Cars2 photos on his wall. COST: a little bit of ink jet ink that dries up if you don't use it anyway!

#4. While I thought the room looked great, Caleb noticed that he couldn't see any of this cool new stuff once he was tucked in at night. Ok -- I can fix that. I found a terrific Cars2 poster (portrait angle) and positioned it on the wall to the side of his bed. The poster was $5. I considered buying a frame but it was $10 and I thought I could do better. I found 3M Command Strips for $2.50 Poster COST: $7.50

#5. Caleb wanted to new curtains. He didn't want a valance, like he had, but curtains that come down on both sides. Since his new bedspread includes a variety of shades of blue, I decided to shop for a solid color set of curtains, rather than spend more on the character curtains. I also figure, down the road when he changes his mind again, we might still be able to keep the curtains. I got very lucky on this one! I found solid blue tab curtains in like-new condition for $4. For curtain pulls I recovered the red ribbon that the quilt was wrapped in and added some additional Cars2 ribbon I bought at Walmart for $2.50. I sewed button holes and used industrial sized screws as pull holds, going along with the car-mechanic sort of element and available for free in my tool box. I feel certain I can find a suitable curtain rod for about $10. Total curtain, sash & rod COST: $16.50

#6. The light switch plate. Some time ago we had put a Thomas the Tank Engine light switch plate in Caleb's room. It never really matched anything and it has been ages since Thomas was his favorite toy. I bought a plain white switch plate for $0.37 and a package of Cars2 stickers for $1. I placed the stickers in an overlapping arrangement completely covering the light switch plate and decopaged the top. After installing it on the wall, I added two more stickers to cover the screws. Custom made Cars2 light switch plate COST: $1.50 (inc. tax)

#7. A pillow sham to match the bedspread. While at Goodwill I found a dark navy blue pillow sham that matches the darkest blue in the bedspread. I also found a Cars Disney t-shirt with a large image of Lighting McQueen (main character in the Cars movies). The image was bright and clear and in perfect condition. Each item was $1.99. I cut out the character and hand stitched it onto the pillow sham. Cars2 Pillow Sham COST: $4.00

Total cost to make over Caleb's room in two days : $44.50

Cost of Caleb saying Thank You and enjoying the look of his room - Priceless!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

placing the child in the midst of them

Caleb followed along in the prayer book and in the hymnal during the service today. I’m not sure how he knew to grab the prayer book, turn to page 355 and begin. Perhaps L told him. But as he sang along with “O love, how deep, how broad, how high”, she and I looked at each other and at him with amazed and happy looks.

After the service was over, he filed out with everyone else to shake Father Jody’s hand. Today was Jody’s first day as rector, and perhaps Caleb wanted to put him through his paces. I am told that Caleb asked him whether it is the case that the Eucharistic wine was, in fact, the blood of Jesus, and also whether by drinking it we were given eternal life.

Caleb’s inquisitiveness—and that of all children who ask spiritual question—ought to encourage parents to have faith despite frustration. Make no mistake: bringing your kids to church is a slow and tedious martyrdom. And it is a trial, too, for those who sit near them. Children are a crimp on the “worship experience.” Caleb, for example, has been known to talk and chatter through the entire service—including the sermon, completely oblivious to the world around him. Another little girl in our church managed to roll a dime four pews forward during the service last Sunday. And I spent one service a few months ago being eyed by pew-climbing spy in the form of Clone Wars’ General Grievous in the hands of a little boy. Oh, the disciples weren’t acting uncharacteristically when they turned the children aside. They were acting like adults engaged in the serious business of turning the tables on tyrant Rome. Children were a distraction.

Nevertheless, Caleb and the rest are listening. I don’t know how they are listening. When I was a child I remember attending a revival meeting in the evening with my parents. We attended a Christian church, where “Christian” is a frontier denomination whose particulars no doubt cluster about the usual ones: mode of worship, belief in free will, or a question about the height of the wall that separates who is out and who in. At any rate, it was quite hot and dark in the room, and the pastor was leading his audience on for long minutes after he’d adopted a concluding key a half-hour before. I was lying down on the red cloth of a pew and the man yells out, “Raise your hand if you are ready! Raise your hand!” And so I did. “Look at that kid back there raising his hand,” he said, to general guffaws. Kids are, like I was, trying to figure this whole thing out. They’re ready to be adults, but are naïve enough to ask or act at times when the adults all know no action is required.

Friday, January 21, 2011

My Home Office

About a week ago, when my children were home for the third or fourth snow day in a row, I came to realize that my work-from-home writing career felt a little bit like I was sitting in the middle of the Meerkat Exhibit at the Nashville Zoo. I imagined myself hunkered down over my laptop on a tiny table in the middle of the picture below, sort of in that open space between the two trees.



What you may not be able to see from the photo is all of the little holes that the family of meerkats can pop out of at any moment. Since you can't see that, here's a photo to give you an idea.


What you don't know is that the above Meerkat is asking me for a drink of juice, a bit of lunch, a moment to look at something he created, an invitation to follow him into his hole and fix something on his video game or, worst of all -- he's just bored.

This morning my little "Meerkats" looked more like the photo below. Up until I rented a movie on On Demand that is.



The important thing is to remember, they started out looking like this...



Now, aren't they adorable...

Monday, December 27, 2010

My Grandmother

Like most everyone else, I was born with two grandmothers, my mother's mother and my father's mother. I was fortunate in my early childhood to get to live very nearby to my mother's mom and therefore developed a very close relationship with her. My father's mother lived farther away, but I grew to know her better as I grew older. Both women were wonderful moms and grandmas, and I am blessed that one of them, my mom's mom is still alive and we still talk often. But this post is about neither of these wonderful women. This post is about the grandmother I gained in 1994 when I married my husband, Thom.

Thom's grandmother grew up in the deep South -- Louisiana and Mississippi. She was one of 14 children. She was born in 1921. She quit school to work during the depression and she married young. She had one daughter --- Thom's mom. She loves to laugh. She's easy going. She loves the Lord. She loves her family.

When Thom and I lived in Massachusetts neither of my grandmothers ever came to visit, neither of them willing to fly. Thom's mom and grandmother came up when Thom graduated seminary, when Kara was born, when Thom was ordained as a deacon at our church, and when Caleb was born. She was the grandmother who stayed in my home. She was the one who stayed up late and watched movies with Thom and I and his Mom. She was the one who sat in my kitchen and talked with me about things like cooking and marriage, taking care of babies and what it's like to have a spirited daughter. We laughed, a lot. And, when I didn't always understand my mother-in-law, mostly because she thinks like my husband and my daughter--or the other way around really -- I understood Grandmother. Pretty soon the distinction between her being Thom's grandmother and her being mine began to fade.

Thom and I will be celebrating our 17th anniversary in April. That's 17 years of knowing Thom's grandmother as part of my extended family. That's 17 years of her becoming a grandmother to me.

Somewhere along the way stories started to lean in the direction that things were changing with Grandmother. A fall here or there. Items going missing in their house and turning up somewhere odd. Strange stories of seeing ghosts or worrying that people were breaking into their house. Things were shifting.

Now things are different. Grandmother is often confused. Grandmother and Thom's mom come to visit every Christmas, but Grandmother no longer knows who we are really. She sees my parents, and it's like she's never met them before. She's nice to the kids, but she doesn't really know that they are her great grand children like she once did. Yesterday was Christmas, but Grandmother didn't really know it. She didn't understand who the gifts were to or from and wondered all day why she was wearing new slippers, not realizing they were one of her gifts. She wandered around a little bit lost all day long. And there was no way to reach her.

But today. Today she is here. And that is what inspired me to write a post after so long. Today she laughed. She talked about flowers. She tried to understand Kara when she gently and sweetly explained how to click Legos together. Even at this moment she is following along with the movie Angels and Demons, a pretty complicated suspense movie. And here's the catch .... It's 1:30 in the morning!!!! Thom and his mom played music together and sang hymns all e evening. Grandmother stayed awake and followed along in a hymnal. After the kids went to bed I was going to sit and get an article done for a deadline. It was late, but I could do it. Grandmother came and sat with me. She was laughing. She was chatting. She is herself tonight and she asked me to come and watch the movie with them. Sure it was already midnight and its crazy to turn on a movie at midnight, but it's crazier to sit in the kitchen and do work, when this might be one of the last times ever that Grandmother is happy and lucid and asks me to be a part of what the family is doing.

I'm awake in my living room with my family at 2am because my grandmother of nearly seventeen years is having a good day and I didn't want to miss any of it.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

I want a new job

Mother's aren't allowed to quit. Well, technically some do, you can tell by the condition of their home, but it's seriously frowned upon. My mother is a superb housecleaner and homemaker. Anyone who's ever been to her home now or in the past will tell you. The house never looked like two kids lived there. It also never looked like she took a day off, a moment's rest, or, God-forbid -- a nap!

I am, sadly, not my mother. I frequently want to run screaming from the duties of housework. I want nothing more than to abandon my post as cook, clothes washer and cleaner of all things bodily function related.

At this very instant, I have abandoned my job of cleaning the carpet in my son's room. I sorted and picked up the toys. I cleared off the carpet. I got out the carpet cleaner (thanks Mom for the Bissell 2X Heat machine, thingy that works wonders on my carpet!). I cleaned his carpet. Why you ask? Why his room and no others -- well, as far as I know, no one else woke up in the middle of the night and peed all over their room because they lost their way to the bathroom down the hall. So, why did I stop? Oh, that'd be because as I was inverting the dirty water into the downstairs toilet -- I, um, missed. Not entirely, but enough. Enough to remind me of how often I deal with things that other people in this house refuse to touch.

Dog pee.
Sheets with puke on them.
Kid pee.
Kid poop.
Kid puke.
Kid hair with kid puke in it.
Dog food.
Strange items that have been in the refridgerator for so long they're nearly unrecognizable.

Therefore, I want a new job. One that does not involve gross things. One where things stay clean. One where someone else cleans everything.

I want a mom. I want MY mom. I want her to live her and pick up after ME. I want someone else to be in charge of gross things.

Children have no idea how good they have it. Even my children!