Tortilla Chip Nation

Tortilla chips: I simply can't control myself. Whenever I'm at one of those restaurant's that provide unlimited amounts of chips, I can't stop eating them. I compulsively crunch crunch crunch along through the before- during- and after-parts of the meal like a man driven by the Mexican hounds of hell. Heaven help me if I'm ever in such a situation without some kind of limiting factor, like a lunch hour or someone else's schedule. The situation would be permanent and probably fatal. Upon retirement, I must beware the terminal situation because, like a goldfish, I'd probably sit at one of those tables and request more chips until the inevitable explosion--to the, no doubt, enthusiastic applause of the harassed waitstaff. They might break out into song: You finally died of corn chips / We're happy that you did / Because you cost us hundreds / In supplemental tips. (At least I'm not the only one.)